Photo by Denys Nevozhai

Hey guys! I want to share some valuable information I have been learning and practicing. These practices have made such an impact on my life that I just feel compelled to share.

First, I need to give you a little insight into my thought processes for the last 35 years. I was raised in a family that had a lot of limiting beliefs. I am not blaming my parents for anything because I know they did the best they knew how. However, I do think there was an abundance of negative self-talk and self-defeating behaviors. I accepted and agreed with those beliefs and allowed them to take seed in my subconscious mind… and that is exactly what it takes for limiting beliefs to take root. You have to make an agreement in your mind to believe the things you do. (See Fact #3 below for more info.)

“As children, we didn’t have the opportunity to choose our beliefs, but we agreed with the information that was passed to us from the dream of the planet via other humans. The only way to store information is by agreement… As soon as we agree, we believe it, and this is called faith. To have faith is to believe unconditionally.”

~ Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

Here is a handful of the limiting beliefs I subconsciously agreed with:
• Money doesn’t grow on trees
• Money is the root of all evil
• If you want to have money in your life, you must marry into a wealthy family
• If you want to get an education, you must have a 4.0 GPA and be offered a scholarship
• Education is only for wealthy people, or people who are academically gifted
• You must work extremely hard to get “ahead”
• Wealth is unattainable in our family
• The only way to be successful is if you win the lottery, or choose work and money over your family and personal life
• Being a stay at home mother means you don’t contribute to the family
• I was not blessed with the right personality for success
• I don’t have any valuable talents
• People are “out to get me”
• Etcetera!

This is just a short list of limiting beliefs I have had. Being a fellow human, I’m sure you also have a lengthy list. As I reflect on my life, I can easily see evidence of these beliefs scattered throughout. Here are some events that were triggered by my limiting beliefs:

• I dropped out of high school when I was a junior.
• I failed almost every class I attended beginning in 7th grade. (Literally. I never had higher than a 2.0 GPA.)
• I searched for a significant other who would bring me the life I desired… someone who would fill the void I felt. This brought me 2 painful divorces (3 if you want to count a 7-year, marriage-like relationship).
• I began, attempted, and quit college FIVE times.
• I was a single mother that worked out of the home for 9 years.
• I struggled to find my value when I became a stay at home mother.
• I knowingly and willingly accepted people in my life who capitalized on my lack of self love.
• I accepted abuse of every kind.
• I suffered with depression and suicidal ideation.
• I allowed my negative self-talk to rule my life.

It is a great understatement to say that I have struggled with low self-confidence!

I have been on a mission to know my TRUE self since I was about 23 years old. It has been difficult to face my demons and to dissect the beliefs that I have unconsciously carried with me all this way.

This is the greatest journey I have ever embarked on!

Life is about learning who you are and finding the love that is already within you. It can only begin when you stop searching outside of yourself and make the choice to constantly unravel the tangles you have accepted in your mind. This can ONLY be done by you.

I want to show you that it is very possible to undo and reset your subconscious agreements. Here are some things I have done, and continue to do, to help me overcome my self-defeating beliefs.

1. Identify the facts:

  • Fact: Limiting beliefs do NOT serve you! No matter how you try to convince yourself, these beliefs don’t help you in any way, shape, or form. They are the constant hurdle you have willingly accepted that prevents you from living the life you want.

  • Fact: You accepted these beliefs in your life. Sure, they may have been taught to you, but you were not born with negative self-talk. You had to accept and practice them at some point.

  • Fact: Limiting beliefs can be completely erased from your mind, if you are willing to do the work to remove them. They are not permanent and can be changed, just like any other idea in your mind.

2.  Study your every move, thought, and action like your life depends on it!

Because, it does. I always ask myself, “What is the belief behind my responses? What lead me to that belief? What were all the feelings I felt when I behaved in that manner? Where did those feelings come from?”

3.  Practice forgiveness of yourself.

I say practice because that is what it takes. It doesn’t always happen but if you can forgive the people you love for making mistakes, you can learn to forgive yourself, too! Sometimes I picture myself as the little 6-year-old girl I used to be. I talk to her in my mind exactly as I would talk to my own child. “It’s ok, baby girl. I know you didn’t mean to make bad decisions. Let’s just practice doing better next time.” Then I give her a huge hug inside of my heart. Recognizing that you also make mistakes, and being kind to yourself in return, can help to end the cycle of negativity.

4.  Bridge the gap.

I like to study the actions of successful and emotionally healthy people in a way that allows me to identify the gap in my beliefs with the beliefs they have. I do this in a way that keeps me emotionally unattached. I don’t allow myself to feel envious, angry, or judgmental. I observe for the sake of education. Remain unbiased and do it in a manner that teaches you, rather than adds fuel to your negative self-talk.

5. Fake it until you make it.

If you could turn all your negative beliefs into their opposite, what would those beliefs be? Pretend like you already have those beliefs and act accordingly. Act like you have a different belief as often as you can. Eventually, you will convince your subconscious mind that this is your preferred belief system.

6. Get educated about the psyche and various “mind hacks”.

One of the best decisions I made was going through a certification course in neuro-linguistic programming (NLP). Although, I don’t believe certification is required, understanding the inner workings and patterns of your subconscious mind is highly beneficial. I learned how my beliefs were linked with my actions. Then I learned how to UNlink those quickly and consciously. I would also highly recommend self-hypnosis or hypnosis with a professional. All these things played a major role in identifying the root of my limiting beliefs.

7. Weed your subconscious “garden”.

Our subconscious minds are like a garden. If you take a good look around, you will probably see lots of weeds growing in places you don’t want. If we don’t intentionally and constantly plant seeds of positivity, self-love, and acceptance, weeds of negativity will sprout and take over by default. Take the time to identify your limiting beliefs and find their roots. Who planted that belief? Why did you agree to let it grow? How are you feeding and watering it? Answer these questions then decide how to cut off its source of energy. Do you need to correct or cut ties with someone feeding those beliefs?

8. Break the chain.

Once you identify your limiting beliefs, take action as soon as you see them pop up. Instantly tell yourself the opposite. This takes conscious intention and force. When I recognize the feeling of insignificance, I force myself into recalling a time in my life where I felt powerful, then I intentionally feel that instead. Overtime, those feelings of insignificance will subside and happen less and less. You have to intentionally stop the cycle. This cycle won’t stop itself until you put your foot down and change it.

9. Repetition creates belief.

This is through the principle of autosuggestion, as stated in Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich. Repeatedly declare your intended belief every morning and night, aloud and in the mirror. Make yourself experience the feelings that would accompany that belief. When you can feel that belief, and if you say it enough, your mind will eventually accept that as truth. Then you will have faith. Faith comes from an unwavering acceptance that only happens through repetition. Faith and truth are equivalent to your mind.
Photo by Antoine Beauvillain on Unsplash

“…The subconscious mind takes any orders given it in a spirit of absolute faith, and acts upon those orders, although the orders often have to be presented over and over again, through repetition, before they are interpreted by the subconscious mind.”

~Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich

This is not an all-inclusive list. These are just the things I have done that have made the most impact in my life. Check out my section of Inspirational Books for more information on books that have helped me over the years. I would also encourage you to take the bull by the horns and get honest with yourself. Find out what makes you tick and why you believe the way you do.

In my heart of hearts, I KNOW that changing your limiting beliefs is possible. I also know that change in your life takes action. You can’t just read and hear these things for them to take effect. It takes daily and constant effort and can only be done by YOU. Every time you fail, immediately begin again.

                                    With love,

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